Parental Alienation isn’t a well-known term but very recognisable. It describes the psychological manipulation of a child by one of their parents, leading to a resistance to spending time with the other. This can make child arrangements, sometimes referred to as ‘child custody’, a source of conflict.
Not only can it have a detrimental impact on your relationship with your child, it can also affect your child in the future.
It is perfectly normal for emotions to run high after a separation but, no matter how you feel about the other parent, you need to continue to promote the children’s relationship with them if this does not pose a risk to their welfare.
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Both mothers and fathers can demonstrate alienating behaviour, it is not limited to a specific gender. Cases that potentially involve parental alienation are particularly complex and deciding what is in a child’s best interests is a very fine balancing exercise. There is no doubt that all children have a deep desire to be loved and wanted by both of their parents, however this can be clouded in situations where children have been manipulated - children are not born knowing how to hate.
If a child’s feelings of hostility and rejection become deep rooted due to manipulation, there is no doubt that this can have long lasting damage. Such behaviour may result in the child believing the thoughts and feelings to be their own, which can lead to real distress if their wishes and feelings are not taken into consideration. This absolutely has to be taken on board in these cases.
What does Parental Alienation look like?
Warning signs of parental alienation could include, but are not limited to: -
- Your child regularly making comments such as they do not wish to spend time with you on certain days or attend at certain events.
- Your ex-partner undermining your child’s time with you perhaps by rewarding and reinforcing any negative behaviours towards you.
- Your ex-partner excluding you from having a say in relation to your child’s welfare, despite the fact that you have parental responsibility.
- Your ex-partner alleging that your child demonstrates worrying behaviours either before or after spending time with you. This may include making referrals to various professionals to try and justify their concerns and then failing to follow the same through or take on board advice. On the other hand, this could be a refusal to seek professional help for any concerns that they raise.
- Your ex-partner making derogatory comments about you or discussing adult issues either with your child or in their presence.
- Your child empathising with your ex-partner, feeling guilty for leaving them to spend time with you.
- Your ex-partner expecting a child to “choose sides” or using the child’s time with you as a reward or punishment.
There is no doubt that parental alienation is child abuse and could ultimately lead to your child having issues in later life, such as a personality disorder or unhealthy relationships.
It is important to address the issues sooner rather than later. That being said, if you are feeling alienated you do need to proceed with caution to ensure that the already present issues are not inflamed. The last thing that you want to do is subject your child to further harm.
Sensitive and empathetic advisers supporting you
A good starting point may be to speak to professionals involved with the child – perhaps the child’s GP or School Mentor – to determine whether they have noticed any worrying behaviours. It is also important to remember that parental alienation is not black and white, as every child is unique.
If you’re recognising the signs above, you don’t have to deal with this alone. Getting legal advice means that we can develop a plan of action that is tailored to your child’s needs.
Give us a call on 0151 625 9364 and we can help you get the support you need.
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