Christmas should be a time for celebration, spending time with family, and watching children open their Christmas presents. However, sadly, for some separated parents, this does not happen.
Making arrangements to spend time with your children over Christmas can be a difficult and emotional experience for both parents and children.
Family lawyers often receive calls from parents when contact arrangements can’t be agreed or the other parent is threatening not to stick to an agreement or court order. Sadly such calls often come at the eleventh hour, sometimes Christmas Eve, leaving little time to do anything to resolve the situation.
Here are a few suggestions to avoid the heartache of not spending quality time with your children over the festive period.
1. Think about Christmas contact arrangements early
Put forward reasonable proposals to your ex-partner early and try to discuss matters in an amicable way. If you feel unable to do so in person send a courteous email or ask a third party to assist with the negotiations. If you can’t agree and matters cannot be resolved through mediation there needs to be sufficient time to proceed to court.
2. Do not argue about contact or any other arrangements in front of the children at handovers
Your children are your priority and they should be sheltered from any animosity or adult issues. Your children love you both and to see their parents arguing is likely to cause them insecurity or distress.
3. Do not drag your children into contact arrangements or ask them where they want to spend Christmas
An older child can, in an age appropriate way, be involved in discussions but they should never feel pressured.
4. Consider the Christmas holidays as a whole and not just Christmas Day
Often, children have two weeks off school. Consider, depending on the age of your children, alternating Christmas Days every year and having one week with each parent.
5. Have two Christmas Days
If you cannot see your children until Boxing Day, this is the perfect excuse to give your children a second Christmas Day with the enjoyment of opening more presents; double the fun.
6. Think outside the box in terms of Christmas contact
If you can’t see your children on Christmas Day, try and arrange telephone contact or a Skype/Facetime call.
7. Agree handover and return times and stick to them
Build some trust with your ex. This should hopefully bring down the temperature and assist with further discussions and agreement relating to contact in the future.
8. Buying Christmas gifts should not be a competition
Try to agree with your ex the presents that you will each buy to avoid disappointment or duplication.
9. Try and spend some time together if possible as a family
If you and your ex are able to spend some time together and if you have the children on Christmas Day, you could agree to your ex calling to the house to give your children their presents. If you are not ready for this, try and agree arrangements for telephone contact or Skype/Facetime call on Christmas Day.
10. Above all remember to enjoy the time that you have with your children
Your children will always remember the time they spend with you, particularly at celebrations such as Christmas. Make sure you cherish it.
We hope that you are able to agree contact plans for over the Christmas period. If it has not been possible, for whatever reason, call our Family Law experts at Broudie Jackson Canter to guide you through the difficult process. Please click here for a call back or message us your enquiry.