Going through a separation or divorce can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with questions such as: what will happen with the house, where will we live, what is the procedure, how long does the process take? For those with children, the biggest concern will be what about the kids - how do we tell them?

Even if you and your partner agree that separating is the right thing to do, for kids the breakdown of their parents’ relationship can be devastating. It is so important to break the news in the right way.

We have put together some tips, which we hope will help you to approach the subject of separation and divorce in a child focused way. What you tell the children and the way you do it of course, depends on the age of your child.

1. Make sure you have made the final decision to separate. If you are still at the unsure, talking it through stage, don’t give the children unnecessary worry. Only tell them when you are sure.
2. If possible tell the kids together and avoid the blame game – present a united front. If you and your soon to be ex are on reasonable terms, sit down together and work out the best way to tell the children.
3. Get your timing right – not in a rush when going to school or when your child is tired or distracted. It’s a difficult conversation to have - plan it and make some notes beforehand.
4. Make sure your children are reassured that they are in no way to blame for the separation and although mum and dad won’t be together, you both love them very much.
5. Spare the children the details. Use language that your children will understand. Tell them what they need to know. For example, it won’t help them to know about an affair.
6. Try to explain to the children what immediate practical changes the separation is likely to have. Equally, if you don’t have the answers there and then, explain that there needs to be further discussions and you will come back to them as soon as you have the answers.
7. Listen to what your child has to say.
8. Keep stability and routine as much as possible.
9. Find a support network. Consider who you need to tell about the break up – family members, friends, school. Accept support from people that you trust. This is a difficult time for you as well, you will need emotional support and to be able to confide in people that you trust.
10. Remember it is a lot for a child to take in, no matter how old they are. Reassure them that this doesn’t have to be the end of the conversation. If they have questions, they can ask you. You are both there for them if they need to talk.

Divorce and separations are difficult. Our empathetic and experienced family team at Broudie Jackson Canter are here to help and guide you through the process. If you would like to speak to one of our family law advisers please message us your enquiry or request a callback at your convenience.