How often does this happen to you? Think about it – sometimes someone is so convincing as a liar that you can start to doubt yourself! This can be innocent enough in certain circumstances, but what happens when this is within your relationship?

Tom Fisher, Family Law Solicitor at Jackson Lees comments: 

Recently EastEnders showed a scene of a brutal violent attack upon Chantelle by her seemingly mild mannered and “perfect” husband Gray. Viewers were shocked to see this charming man brutally attack his lovely wife and then go on to try and blame her for the attack because she “mocked him” in public.

Sadly, many family lawyers have come across this type of event on many occasions. At Jackson Lees we have a trained team of lawyers experienced in dealing with this type of case.

A term which is becoming more frequently used to describe the effects of manipulative and controlling behaviour is “gaslighting”. The term comes from the 1944 film “Gaslight” which involves a husband trying to convince his wife that she is insane by causing her to constantly question herself, her actions and life.

Gaslighting can take many forms. In its mildest form it could be very subtle, but it creates a power shift within a relationship where one of the couple could be subjected to unreasonable scrutiny, judgement or even mild aggression. At its worst, it is a form of mind control and psychological abuse.

The common traits of a “Gaslighter” can be to lie and exaggerate. Like in the scene where Gray attacked his wife in EastEnders – he exaggerates a perceived situation to justify his violent attack. The impact is to make the person on the receiving end feel as though there is something wrong with and inadequate about them.

If that person is challenged about their “lies” or the situation, they can then tend to increase their attacks or even completely deny anything wrong took place, blame the other person and use misdirection to lead to doubt and confusion.

No doubt, this will completely wear out the person on the receiving end of such abuse to the point where someone can feel pessimistic, fearful and have huge self-doubt. The victim starts to doubt their own reality and recollection of a situation.

The Gaslighter can often wish to make sure that their victim forms an excessive emotional or psychologic reliance on them – they want their victim to be anxious and insecure – as it gives them more control within the relationship.

Then the typical “false hope” scenario rears its ugly head – when the Gaslighter will promise to change and will be kind and even appear to be sorry about their previous nasty behaviour. This is part of the cycle of abuse.

Gaslighters are typically domineering and in complete control of the relationship. They work on creating a state of constant anxiety for their victim, doubt and fear. 

If you would like to talk to one of our specialist family law advisers, please call us on 0151 625 9364, request a callback at your convenience or message us your enquiry.